Come crushing
by Pebr
Summary: A take on what could have happened if Leo didn't move his legs in time in the episode 10 of season 4.


**A/N:** Deals with Leo's angsty behavior... much like the previous story. I'm just in the mood :D Thanks for reading!

* * *

Leonardo growled as he sprinted, ready to strike Hun down with his sword. He wanted to end this madness; he, Raph and Casey had had too many close calls for one night already. The top of the truck wasn't the safest place to fight, and he knew Casey didn't have the balance which he and Raph had. And Hun was so huge he was hard to take off balance, so there was no point to fight here. And besides, Hun annoyed him to no end. Better just end this fast.

Leo held his weapon with two hands, striking, but only to hit the parachute-bag Hun had raised in his defense. Leo wasted no time repositioning his sword and striking again, this time piercing the bag with his sword. His blade missed Hun's face by barely a few inches. Before he had time to pull his katana back Hun fell on his back, gaining a perfect position to kick Leonardo away. His body was sent backwards by the strong kick, and since his sword was still stuck to the bag he got stuck in the wires of the parachute. The still open parachute was caught by the wind, and Leo couldn't do anything as it pulled him backwards. A startled shout left him as he no longer felt the truck under his legs, but he managed to grab the edge of its roof. Leo growled as he looked down to the asphalt; it wouldn't have been pretty if he hadn't managed to stop his fall.

He knew Raphael was still fighting, hearing the blows and the grunts clearly. Leonardo wanted to get back there, especially when he heard Raph growl in pain. But he had no way to push himself back on the roof; there was nothing beneath his legs.

"Leo, hang on bro!" Mikey's voice surprised Leo, and he realized his two younger brothers were driving behind the truck. Mike was on his knees outside the Battle Shell, trying to reach for Leo with his hand. "Leo, give me your hand!"

"Ah, they got the chute off!" Leo could hear Don yell, not quite understanding what his brother was talking about, as he couldn't see what the situation was with the truck behind the Battle Shell. He was focused on not losing his grip, but he should've heard the truck speeding up. But he didn't; as the truck rammed against their car it sent the Battle Shell forward, and Leo didn't have time to move. His legs were crushed between the Battle Shell and the truck he was hanging from, making him scream out from pain.

The clash was only brief, so Leo wasn't between the two vehicles for long. But long enough to make him almost lose his grip, the only thing keeping him hanging being the knowledge that falling would be… even more painful. But the pain was still there, even though his legs were free now. He barely heard the explosion coming from behind the Battle Shell, focusing his energy on not falling and keeping his eyes shut against the pain. But as soon as he felt Mikey's hands touch his shell and pull him to safety he let go of the truck.

When Mikey helped him on his back Leo gasped in pain, making Mikey's hands flinch away from him, afraid he had hurt his brother further. His gaze was on Leo's legs; the skin was torn and blood slowly dyed the Battle Shell around Leo's legs. Leo grimaced, blinking the sudden dizziness away from his eyes and looking for Mikey with his eyes. Michelangelo noticed this and hurried to put a comforting hand on Leo's cheek, helping Leo to focus on him. "Don't worry Leo – just stay still." Leo didn't like the look Mikey gave him; he knew it was bad, but Mikey's shaky tone just confirmed it further. He was stupid; he should've seen, or known, anything…

"Just help me inside", Leo said firmly, trying to ignore the pain and move, but it was a mistake. Pain shot from his legs and he whimpered, letting his head fall back on the hood of the Battle Shell. Dizziness took over again, and he could just barely hear Mikey shouting for Don.

Leo didn't even register the Battle Shell stopping; he had probably blacked out. He had closed his eyes just for a bit, and now Raph and Don were carefully helping him inside their vehicle. Leo hated being unconscious and missing out on what was happening, but as the pain returned to him he wished he was still dead to the world. He hissed through gritted teeth when they set him down, his voice making Don hurry to his side.

"Leo, it's alright now", Don spoke to him, but Leo's eyes weren't on him. He looked around him, seeing Raph and Casey unharmed. It calmed the restlessness inside him, but not enough.

"Hun got away", Leo said, just knowing it. His voice was bitter and he looked away from his brothers. "The mission failed." It ticked Leo off, but at least they were safe. But it wasn't enough for him. _He _had failed.

But what was the worst was that he couldn't move even an inch without pain. Raph had switched places with Don, so it was Raph who was driving them home so Don could stay with him. The genius was kneeling next to Leo as Casey and Mikey watched with worry.

"I'm sorry Leo, we don't have any painkillers at the Battle Shell right now", Don spoke, sounding guilty about that. Even though it wasn't even his fault. Maybe Don felt guilty about Leo's legs too, it had been him who had been driving, after all. If that was the case, it was ridiculous.

"Don't sound so guilty, Don", Leo said, even though he didn't want to speak. If disappointment could kill he'd be dead. Every time he opened his mouth he was afraid that pained gasps would come out, and he didn't want to sound weak. If he'd show some signs of weakness, it would take _weeks_ before Don would let him walk again. And he didn't have _weeks. _"The truck pushed you. I should've dodged", Leo continued. Leo knew his words didn't sound assuring, and Don looked like he wanted to argue, but decided to stay quiet. It was just so hard to swallow his failure. It was so hard to accept that he'd be useless without his legs, all because of a stupid mistake. It was all so difficult.

* * *

"Don't say it's bad", Leo pleaded when Don came back from the lab. Don had said the pain of moving him around without painkillers would be too much, so he had went to pick some. The wait in the Battle Shell had been humiliating; Raph and Mikey sitting next to him in silence as Leo had just focused on staying still. He had caused so much trouble because of his mistake. It was hard to stay still.

Now he was grabbing Don's hand, wanting to hear his answer before his mind would go clogged from the medicine. He blamed the pain for his childish plea, but he just _couldn't_ take it. He couldn't just lie in bed for weeks. Couldn't be useless. More than he already was. He had been supposed to quit being weak. And what was he doing now – waiting to get a full dose of painkillers. He wanted to stop Don from giving him the medicine, but there was no fighting Don when it came to this stuff.

"I'll do my best to get you on your feet again", Don said gently. Leo wasn't happy; Don had turned it into sounding like Leo was blaming Don, when he was just blaming himself. It also sounded like Don was treating him like a child having a fit; talking gently like he understood the child was just tired and cranky. Well, it was true that Leo _was _mad, but it wasn't for reasons his brothers could understand. The way they spoke to him was frustrating. _Everything_ was. If this was how Raph felt all the time, Leo could understand his sudden bursts of rage.

But this couldn't be the same; when the day began, Leo felt so empty. During the day _everything _he did slowly filled him with anger, frustration and desperation. At the end of the day he was so full of those feelings he felt like choking in on them. Every day went by just trying to not choke, sometimes trying to figure out how to stop choking. Lately he has just been trying to force himself from choking. So far it's the most effective way.

Leo turned his head away from Don. There used to be a time he could tell Don about anything. Now he can't even talk to him without making him sound guilty. Maybe it's better that he spends his days choking, silent. Out of the way of his brothers.

But that's exactly it; even though it would be better to stay away, it's his duty to stay _close _and protect. But he's not good enough at it, causing himself a never ending cycle. A cycle where he chokes himself day after day. Failure after failure.

His thoughts start to fall apart and it's hard to keep his eyes open. It's the medicine kicking in. Leo feels tired and so bitter he bites down on his lip, making it bleed. Pain caused by himself feels better than pain caused by others. Pain by failure. It should feel good since he deserves it. It only makes him feel horrible, not good enough. So he repeats it, expecting a different outcome. Doesn't that mean he likes it, since he always comes back for more? No, he comes back because he needs to change. But isn't that what insanity is – repeating the same thing and expecting a different outcome? Maybe if he believes hard enough something will change. If he pushes a little harder next time, maybe he'll do better.

Leo feels too heavy to keep his eyes open, so he lets them close. He can feel Don holding his hand before his mind shuts down.

When was the last time Don could hold his hand when he was awake?


End file.
